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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29319342">Wildflower growing through the cracks in the street</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhockey/pseuds/justhockey'>justhockey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Comforting Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Secrets, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s04e04 9-1-1 What's Your Grievance?, Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:48:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,368</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29319342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhockey/pseuds/justhockey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I have spent my entire life trying to live up to the memory of someone I didn’t even know existed.“</p><div class="center">
  <p>*</p>
</div>Maybe he’s <i>always</i> been frozen in time. Maybe he’s never really been able to move past being twelve years old, stuck in a haunted house with the ghosts of the people his parents used to be. With the ghost of a brother he didn’t even know existed.
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>712</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>9-1-1 Tales</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wildflower growing through the cracks in the street</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title from <i>Problem Child</i> by Little Big Town, which is absolutely the perfect song for Buck and I’d really recommend listening to. </p><p>Content warning in end notes.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buck just - doesn’t feel anything. </p><p>It’s kind of like that moment when the pandemic hit, or when they got the stay at home order. It’s just so completely unbelievable that none of it seems real. He feels like he’s existing in a state of suspended animation, like the world is going on around him but he is frozen in time. </p><p>Maybe he’s <i>always</i> been frozen in time. Maybe he’s never really been able to move past being twelve years old, stuck in a haunted house with the ghosts of the people his parents used to be. With the ghost of a brother he didn’t even know existed.  </p><p>His phone is shut away in a kitchen drawer, probably dead by now from the number of calls he’d been receiving. Maddie had followed him back to his apartment, banging on the door until Chimney had arrived and practically dragged her away. Buck couldn’t stand to look at her, or Chim, who knew before Buck got to and didn’t bother to tell him. </p><p>He almost calls in sick to his shift the next day, doesn’t want to see Chim, or anyone, for that matter. His skin is already itching at the thought of the looks he’s going to get, because they’ll all know by now, and they’ll have opinions that Buck doesn’t want to hear about. </p><p>He doesn’t know how he’s ever supposed to face anyone again. </p><p>But being a firefighter is the one thing that belongs to Buck, that he’s made for himself without the shadows of his parents looming over him. And he’s <i>good</i> at it, he does good things for this city and the people who inhabit it, even though he was always made to feel like he’d never be good at anything. He won’t lose this too. </p><p>So he gets up and goes through the motions - showers, gets dressed, eats even though he still he still feels nauseous, and drives to work. </p><p>His hands shake the whole way there, and when he pulls into the parking lot he can’t seem to make himself get out of his truck. His hands are gripping the wheel so tight that his knuckles are white, and his entire body feels like it’s vibrating with something he can’t quite name, buzzing just beneath the surface of his skin. </p><p>A car door slams somewhere nearby, and Buck isn’t sure how he knows, but he’s pretty certain that it’s Eddie. And fuck, he doesn’t want to have to face him. He doesn’t want to see the pity in his eyes, and he doesn’t want to talk about it either. </p><p>He sees Eddie approaching and closes his eyes, like maybe he can just disappear. But then Eddie raps a knuckle against Buck’s window, and he flinches even though he was half expecting it. He opens one eye and finds Eddie watching him, a completely neutral expression on his face. </p><p>So he takes a deep breath and climbs out of his truck, because the world is still spinning and he has to find a way to keep going despite it all. </p><p>Eddie greets him with a smile and a nudge to the shoulder. “Hey man.”</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>It’s the first word he’s spoken out loud since he begged Maddie to leave as she banged on his door. His voice was thick with tears then, it just sounds hollow now. That’s pretty fitting though, because Buck feels like he’s been emptied out and there’s nothing left of him - all of who he is has been taken. </p><p>“You doing okay?” Eddie asks, voice low as they step into the station. </p><p>“I’m good.”</p><p>He’s lying, they both know he’s lying. But he just doesn’t know how to be honest, especially not right now - not if he ever wants to make it through this shift. Eddie’s hand finds its way to Buck’s lower back, and Buck can feel his thumb sliding up and down in what he’s sure is supposed to be a comforting motion. </p><p>“Buck-“</p><p>But before Eddie has a chance to say anything else, Chimney is rounding the corner and stopping dead right in front of them. Buck feels his heart begin to race and his hands start to clench into fists - both involuntary. Eddie takes a step closer, lets his shoulder press into Buck’s like a pillar to lean on, as if he knows exactly what Buck is feeling. And maybe he does - they’ve always been good at reading each other. </p><p>“Buck,” Chim says. “Buck please, if you’ll just-“</p><p>“-Don’t talk to me.” Buck is blunt because if he says much more, he knows it’ll be something that he can’t take back. </p><p>“You can’t just-“</p><p>“Stay the fuck away from me,” Buck says. </p><p>He sees Chim’s eyes widen for a split second before his face falls. It’s maybe the angriest he’s ever heard Buck, who is normally happy and shiny even on his worst days. But Buck really can’t pretend, can’t act like he isn’t filled with rage every time he <i>thinks</i> about Chim, let alone sees him. </p><p>Chim was supposed to be his friend. And he knows that Maddie is the the mother of his baby, he knows she has his unflinching loyalty. But Buck has been in Chim’s life a lot longer than Maddie has, and with something this big, something this life changing - Buck doesn’t think it’s too outlandish to expect Chim to be honest with him. </p><p>“Please-“</p><p>“Back the fuck off, Chim,” Eddie warns. </p><p>When he finally walks away, Buck’s shoulders relax and he allows himself a moment to lean against Eddie. Not long, not more time than he absolutely needs, because he doesn’t want to take more from Eddie than he’s willing to give. But Eddie stays by his side and lets Buck take a moment to breathe. </p><p>And he doesn’t stray from his side for the rest of the shift. He sits by Buck at meals and in between calls, keeping everyone away from him with a single glance and slight shake of the head. He’s at his heel on every call, and over his shoulder in the gym - where Buck hits and hits until his arms ache almost as much as his heart does. </p><p>The end of the shift finally comes, and it feels like one of the longest days of his life. The only one that’s ever felt longer is the day of the tsunami, when Chris was lost and Buck was still healing, but he kept going anyway. </p><p><i>Just keep swimming.</i> </p><p>Hen says goodbye with a pat to Buck’s back. “Love you, kid.”</p><p>Eddie is talking to Bobby as Buck gets changed in the locker room, and he knows it’s about him as soon as they both glance in his direction. When the door opens behind him he’s expecting Bobby to call him into his office. Instead, it’s Eddie, smiling at Buck even though it doesn’t reach his eyes. </p><p>“How’re you holding up?” Eddie asks. </p><p>He’s leaning back against the lockers and watching Buck with an open expression, like he actually wants to know the answer instead of just asking it as a formality. Buck doesn’t have an answer though, because he doesn’t have a single clue what’s going on in his head. </p><p>So many things are swirling around in his heart and his head, things that Buck can’t put a name to, or is too scared to even look at for fear that they’ll break him. He’s felt every emotion imaginable over these past few days, and it’s almost a relief to feel nothing for a while. Except for how Buck knows that as soon as the floodgates open, all of those feelings will drown him. </p><p>Buck shrugs, opens his mouth to speak but can’t make a sound come out. </p><p>He grimaces, closing his eyes before they have a chance to fill with tears, before Eddie can see just how much he’s hurting. Because Buck doesn’t want to burden him with any of this, doesn’t want to force his problems on Eddie when he has enough of his own shit to deal with. </p><p>“Come on, let’s go,” Eddie says as he shrugs his bag onto his shoulder. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Come home with me, come see Christopher,” Eddie all but begs. </p><p>But Buck can’t do that, he can’t impose on their family just because his own is imploding. It’s not fair to put his shit on them too, they don’t deserve that. </p><p>“I don’t think I can pretend right now, Eddie,” Buck answers, his voice worn out and scratchy. </p><p>“You don’t have to.” Eddie doesn’t say that he doesn’t want Buck to be alone right now, but Buck hears it anyway. “Chris loves you even when you’re sad.”</p><p>But it’s kind of impossible to be sad around Christopher, who’s so full of joy, and light, and love. </p><p>So even when Buck feels like his lungs are collapsing beneath the weight of his pain, it’s easy to smile and play with Chris. It’s easy to cuddle up and watch a movie with him and Eddie, and pretend this is something he deserves. </p><p>“Love you, Bucky.”</p><p>Christopher is stretched across his lap, his head resting on Buck’s shoulder as he tries to fight sleep. He traces his fingers across the bruises on Buck’s knuckles, and Buck tries not to cry. </p><p>“I love you too, superman,” Buck replies, the emotion evident in his voice. </p><p>“I’m sorry that you’re sad,” Chris tells him, as intuitive as ever. </p><p>“I’m never sad with you, kid,” Buck says, and it’s hardly even a lie. </p><p>Chris looks up at Buck, and his eyes are drooping closed as he presses a kiss to Buck’s cheek. </p><p>It feels like the final straw, because suddenly Buck is clenching his teeth and squeezing his eyes so tight he’s seeing stars. It was such an innocent, loving thing for Chris to do, and Buck feels like he’s going to suffocate, like he’s going to ruin Christopher just by being close to him. </p><p>Eddie must notice instantly, because he’s scooping Christopher into his arms and off Buck’s lap. “Bed time for you, mister. Say goodnight to Buck.”</p><p>“Goodnight Buck!”</p><p>“Night, Chris,” Buck manages to say, his voice only wobbling a little. </p><p>He sucks in a breath the second Chris and Eddie are out of sight, and he can’t seem to hold the tears any longer. He covers his mouth with one hand as he tries not to sob, and he wraps his other arm around his waist, like he’s trying to hold all of his broken pieces together. His whole body aches in a way he’s never known before.</p><p>Buck can’t catch his breath. He can hear his blood rushing in his ears, and his vision is blurred, as if he’s opened his eyes underwater. His heart is pounding so fast it genuinely feels like it’s about to break free from his chest, and his face is starting to go numb. For a second he thinks he’s having a heart attack, or maybe even a stroke, but he knows he’s not - he’s been here before. </p><p>So he waits. </p><p>When Eddie finds him, he’s gasping for breath and tugging at his hair. His elbows are resting on his knees, and tears are steaming down his cheeks and dripping off his chin. Buck hates himself for doing this, for making such a scene, but he physically can’t do anything to stop it - it’s like all elements of control have been stripped from him and he just has to try and ride the waves. </p><p>Eddie doesn’t hesitate. He sits on the coffee table in front of Buck and wraps his hands around Buck’s forearms. The touch is good - comforting. It manages to ground Buck, reassure him that’s he’s here, he’s alive, this is real. </p><p>Buck feels Eddie’s forehead rest on top of his. He’s embarrassed when another sob rips its way out of his chest, but all Eddie does is grip his arms tighter. He’s murmuring words of comfort that Buck can barely hear over the sound of his own heart beat, but the sound of Eddie’s voice is enough to calm him. He focuses on the way Eddie’s thumbs are brushing the sides of his wrists, and he slowly wills his heart to stop racing. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Buck says, pulling back. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>He stands up, locks his hands behind his head and presses his elbows forward around his face. He’s embarrassed, and hurting, and so fucking tired. He doesn’t want Eddie to see this, doesn’t want him to feel like he’s obligated to deal with Buck’s problems. </p><p>“It’s okay, Buck.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’ll go,” Buck says, and turns on his heel. </p><p>But then Eddie is grabbing hold of his wrist and not letting go. He waits until Buck turns back to face him. </p><p>“Talk to me.”</p><p>Buck shakes his head. “No, no I’m-“</p><p>“Don’t say you’re fine, don’t do that,” Eddie tells him. “You can’t bottle this up.”</p><p>“Talking won’t fix this.” <i>Nothing can fix this,</i> is what he doesn’t say. </p><p>“It won’t feel so heavy if you share it with someone else,” Eddie says. </p><p>But that’s the problem. He doesn’t want this weighing on anyone else, doesn’t want Eddie to be forced to carry this with him. Eddie doesn’t owe Buck a single thing. But it’s like Eddie can see Buck’s thought process as it’s happening, because he tugs on Buck’s wrist until they’re sitting side by side on the couch. </p><p>“Please don’t shut me out.”</p><p>And it’s the way Eddie says it, like he wants nothing more than to share in Buck’s hurt. Or it’s the way Eddie looks at him, like nothing Buck says will be too much - like he’d take all this pain away from Buck if only he could. </p><p>So Buck caves, and it spills out of him like a waterfall. </p><p>“I have a brother,” he says. </p><p>Eddie nods. “I heard.”</p><p>“And he’s dead. And I was his replacement.” </p><p>Buck says it because he knows it’s true, even though Maddie had tried to tell him it wasn’t. He’s not stupid, he knows his sister better than anyone in the world - or he <i>thought</i> he did - so he could tell she was lying as soon as she said it. He didn’t even need to ask though, not really. Of course Buck was supposed to be Daniel’s replacement. </p><p>He can see that Eddie is about to argue so he shakes his head. </p><p>“I was. They had me because they lost him and they couldn’t handle the grief. They brought me into this world to try and fill the gap that he left, but every time they looked at me, every time I wasn’t <i>him,</i> they resented me even more.” </p><p>It’s strange, that among all the agony of the past few days, there’s a tiny pinprick of relief in it all. Because at least he knows, now. He knows why his parents never wanted to be around him, why they were distant, and cold, and just never seemed to care. At least he doesn’t have to speculate anymore, or worse - worry that he’d imagined all of it. He knows that the dislike he felt from them was real, and he knows why they felt it. </p><p>“I have spent my entire life trying to live up to the memory of someone I didn’t even know existed. He will always be perfect because he never got the chance to do anything wrong. But me? I fucked up <i>all</i> the time,” Buck tells Eddie, laughing bitterly. </p><p>Daniel will always be his parents little boy, and Buck will always the kid who couldn’t fill the shoes he left behind.</p><p>“You were just a kid, Buck,” Eddie says softly. </p><p>He rests a hand on Buck’s knee, and Buck isn’t strong enough to stop himself from covering Eddie’s with his own. He hesitates for a second, when he feels Eddie still beneath his touch, but then Eddie is lacing their fingers together and holding on like he’s trying to stop Buck from slipping under. </p><p>“I still wasn’t good enough,” Buck says with a shrug of his shoulders. </p><p>“Buck - Buck look at me,” Eddie says, and waits until Buck turns his head to face him. “You <i>are</i> good enough, you always have been.”</p><p>It feels like a lie, but he can see in Eddie’s eyes that he believes what he’s saying. So Buck feels guilty then, because he hadn’t ever meant to but he’s been deceiving him this whole time. He made Eddie think he was enough, made him think he was worthwhile, and he’s <i>not.</i> He’s tricked Eddie into all of this - into being his friend, trusting him with Christopher, trusting him with his <i>life.</i></p><p>He shakes his head, because he knows that Eddie is wrong. But he knows that Eddie wouldn’t believe him even if he tried to explain it. </p><p>“I have felt so lonely, my entire life,” Buck admits, and the confession weighs heavy between them. </p><p>Eddie squeezes Buck’s hand between both of his own, a silent <i>I’m here</i> that Buck knows he doesn’t deserve. </p><p>“I always thought it was my own fault, that I pushed people away. But I didn’t know <i>how</i> to let someone love me, how could I when even my own parents didn’t?”</p><p>He’s knows he not blameless, of course. But it helps a little, to know that some of the burden could be laid at the feet of his parents. Because Buck has never been very good at having nice things, he always has to do something to ruin them, and maybe it’s because he isn’t used to it. Maybe it’s because good things are so few and far between for him, that when they do come along, he doesn’t know how to handle it. </p><p>“They don’t love you like you deserve to be loved, but Buck, that isn’t your fault,” Eddie says. </p><p>Buck hears the words Eddie is saying, but they don’t hold any meaning. </p><p>“I should have done more.”</p><p>“Listen, Buck, you don’t have to <i>do</i> anything to make your parents love you, okay? They should just love you anyway, no matter what,” Eddie says. “Like you do with Christopher.”</p><p>He turns to look at Eddie so fast that he almost gives himself whiplash. He can hear the words ringing in his ears but Eddie is looking at him so normally, like he hasn’t just said something that’s flipped Buck’s world. </p><p>“I’m not Christopher’s parent,” he says. The words feel wrong his mouth. </p><p>“You’re as good as,” Eddie argues. </p><p>Buck can’t believe what he’s hearing. He thinks maybe Eddie is saying it to make Buck feel better when his world feels like it’s collapsing around him. But it’s everything Buck has wanted since he met the kid - he’s loved him like his own since the very first time they hung out, and he would have died to save him during the tsunami. </p><p>He loves Chris more than life. </p><p>“Eddie-“</p><p>“No, it’s true,” Eddie interrupts, refusing to hear Buck’s argument. “You raise him too, and you love him unconditionally, even though you never knew what that felt like as a kid.”</p><p>Buck is crying again, though it doesn’t feel so sad this time, doesn’t hurt the same as it did before. </p><p>“I can already see you in him, Buck. You’re his dad.”</p><p>Eddie says it like he hasn’t just handed Buck the most precious thing in the world. He knows he’s not worthy of being Chris’ father - he’s not even close to the man Eddie is, and he knows that he never will be. </p><p>But Buck also knows that Christopher is Eddie’s life, and he wouldn’t lie about something like this. He wouldn’t use Christopher. So if he’s saying it - if he’s holding Buck’s hand, looking him in the eye, and telling him he’s Chris’ dad - he must mean it. </p><p>And Buck must do everything in the world to keep it. </p><p>“I just want to be good enough,” Buck says. </p><p>Because he does. Because he wants to be worthy of being a parental figure to Chris, of being a part of his and Eddie’s life. He wants to prove that he doesn’t screw everything up. </p><p>But there’s also a part of him that still wants to be enough for his parents, even after everything they’ve put him through. And he hates it, hates that they still have so much power over him. </p><p>When he looks at Eddie, there are tears in his eyes. Then Eddie is moving, shifting so he’s facing him and resting his free hand on the side of Buck’s neck. Buck couldn’t look away even if he wanted to - but he doesn’t want to, thinks he would stay here forever if only he was allowed. </p><p>“Having you in my life has been the greatest gift that I never even knew to ask for, and being loved by you is something really fucking special,” Eddie says, a determination in his eyes that Buck has rarely gotten to see before. “If they can’t see that, well. They don’t deserve you.” </p><p>It’s the first time that Buck has ever heard anything like that before. He’s always, <i>always</i> been under the impression that everything is his fault, that his own shortcomings are the reason his parents could barely seem to look him in the eye. He’s never thought it possible that maybe it was <i>their</i> fault they didn’t love him. </p><p>Or, <i>fault</i> might be a bit harsh. Because they lost their little boy, and Buck knows that if he were to lose Chris then a part of him that could never be replaced would be ripped from his chest. But they <i>chose</i> to have Buck, they wanted to bring him into this world as an attempt to fill that hole in their heart. </p><p>But Buck was never going to be Daniel, and they should have known that. There’s nothing he can ever do to make them love him. </p><p>It’s not Buck’s fault. </p><p>
  <i>It’s not Buck’s fault.</i>
</p><p>It feels like a weight has been eased off his shoulders. Not completely, but a little bit - enough for him to not feel like he’s completely suffocating. Because it’s a weight he’s been carrying since he was a child, it didn’t just arrive with Daniel’s ghost. </p><p>But that extra freedom - knowing that he doesn’t have to keep trying to be enough for his parents - it comes with another worry. </p><p>“I’ve spent my entire life trying to impress them - what if I’m nothing without that?” Buck asks. </p><p>Everything he’s ever done has been an attempt to earn his parents attention, affection, <i>love.</i> He’s pushed and pushed himself, thinking that eventually, at some point, they would have to be proud of him. It’s been the driving force behind almost everything that Buck has done. </p><p>“What if I don’t even exist?” He’s so scared that the version of himself he’s created isn’t real. “I don’t even know who I am.”</p><p>Eddie grabs Buck’s head between his hands in such a sudden movement that Buck flinches. He feels safe, though - always safe with Eddie. And Eddie’s frowning, but Buck can feel in his touch that he isn’t mad at him, he’s just insistent - just desperate for Buck to listen, and to really, really <i>hear</i> him. </p><p>“<i>I</i> know who you are. Buck, I know <i>exactly</i> who you are,” he says. </p><p>Buck holds his breath and waits. </p><p>“You’re Christopher’s hero. And you’re an amazing brother to Maddie. You’re like a son to Bobby and Athena, and you’re one of Hen and Chim’s favourite people. </p><p>“You’re an incredible firefighter, and an even better person. This world is so much better because you’re in it, and not just because of what you <i>do,</i> but because of who you <i>are.</i>”</p><p>Buck can feel the tears falling down his cheeks, and he can see matching ones trailing down Eddie’s. His whole body feels like it’s trembling, and he can feel the shake of Eddie’s hands on his face. He’s almost too scared to breathe, too scared to do something that might make this moment disappear. </p><p>Because he’s never felt so loved, so <i>cherished,</i> in his entire life. Eddie spoke with absolutely no hesitation, as if he didn’t even have to think about it. And he’s looking at Buck like there’s nothing in the world he’d rather be seeing, and he’s holding Buck like he deserves to be taken care of. </p><p>“You’re my best friend, you’re my - god, you’re <i>everything,</i> Buck.”</p><p>Eddie’s voice cracks, and the rest of Buck’s resolve cracks along with it. </p><p>He surges forwards so they’re forehead to forehead, their noses brushing - lips so close they can almost taste each other. And he wants to, <i>god,</i> he wants to so bad he can feel his entire body reaching out for Eddie. And the way Eddie is clutching at him, the way he’s breathing heavier and not even trying to pull away - Buck thinks he wants it too. </p><p>But -</p><p>“I don’t know if I can give you what you need right now,” Buck whispers. </p><p>His heart breaks as he says it, because this - Eddie - is all he’s wanted for years. But he’s so scared to drag Eddie down with him, doesn’t want to deny Eddie everything that he deserves in a relationship, just because Buck is too broken to give it to him right now. He can’t ruin them that like - won’t destroy the most meaningful relationship in his life because he’s too messed up to see how bad he can be for people. </p><p>“Evan, baby,” Eddie whispers. </p><p>And then he’s kissing Buck so softly it feels more like a caress. It shakes Buck down to his very core, to have someone be so tender and loving with him, even as he continues to fall apart between their hands. </p><p>“I don’t need anything except you,” Eddie says, so close that Buck can feel his breath against his skin. “I just need you.”</p><p>It sounds so simple, like Eddie doesn’t want Buck for what he can give to him, he just wants him <i>because.</i> And it seems so strange to Buck, that someone could want him without wanting something <i>from</i> him. But the look in Eddie’s eyes - like his heart is aching at seeing Buck hurt like this. </p><p>Buck might just believe him. </p><p>“Okay.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content warning: a pretty detailed description of a panic attack, but it’s only brief.</p><p>I have so many feelings about that episode but most of all I just want the writers to stop hurting Buck :(</p></blockquote></div></div>
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